I Have Omnipotent Competition

It seems that Chuck Norris is under the impression he is more omnipotent that me. Here is a collection of "facts" about this B-movie actor who obviously needs a visit to the Ego Reduction Clinic:


#If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

#There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

#Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

#Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

#Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

#Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

#Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

#Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

#When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

#There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

#Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

#Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

#Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

#Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

#When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

#Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

#Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

#Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

#Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

#Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

#Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

#Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

#Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.