Wednesday, July 29, 2009
What, No Spell Check?
A new sign on Interstate 39 in Wisconsin has so many misspellings it's become a national story. The town of Rothschild is spelled "Rothschield" and Schofield has its i and e inverted. These are new words to most people, but "business" is not. The only correct word is "exit".
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Happy 69th Birthday To Bugs Bunny
Bugs Bunny's appearance in A Wild Hare, directed by Tex Avery and released on July 27, 1940, is considered the first appearance of both Elmer and Bugs in their fully developed forms. It was in this cartoon that he first emerged from his rabbit hole to ask Elmer Fudd, now a hunter rather than a photographer, "What's up, Doc?"
Party Animals
The nation's top party schools, according to Princeton Review's 2009 survey of 122,000 students.
1. Penn State University, State College, Pa.
2. University of Florida, Gainesville, Fla.
3. University of Mississippi, Oxford, Miss.
4. University of Georgia, Athens, Ga.
5. Ohio University, Athens, Ohio
6. West Virginia University, Morgantown, W.Va.
7. University of Texas, Austin, Texas
Story continues below
8. University of Wisconsin, Madison, Wis.
9. Florida State University, Tallahassee, Fla.
10. University of California-Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, Calif.
11. University of Colorado, Boulder, Colo.
12. University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa
13. Union College, Schenectady, N.Y.
14. Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind.
15. DePauw University, Greencastle, Ind.
16. University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Tenn.
17. Sewanee: The University of the South, Sewanee, Tenn.
18. University of North Dakota, Grand Forks, N.D.
19. Tulane University, New Orleans, La.
20. Arizona State University, Tempe, Ariz.
1. Penn State University, State College, Pa.
2. University of Florida, Gainesville, Fla.
3. University of Mississippi, Oxford, Miss.
4. University of Georgia, Athens, Ga.
5. Ohio University, Athens, Ohio
6. West Virginia University, Morgantown, W.Va.
7. University of Texas, Austin, Texas
Story continues below
8. University of Wisconsin, Madison, Wis.
9. Florida State University, Tallahassee, Fla.
10. University of California-Santa Barbara, Santa Barbara, Calif.
11. University of Colorado, Boulder, Colo.
12. University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa
13. Union College, Schenectady, N.Y.
14. Indiana University, Bloomington, Ind.
15. DePauw University, Greencastle, Ind.
16. University of Tennessee, Knoxville, Tenn.
17. Sewanee: The University of the South, Sewanee, Tenn.
18. University of North Dakota, Grand Forks, N.D.
19. Tulane University, New Orleans, La.
20. Arizona State University, Tempe, Ariz.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Corny Jokes
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.
Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam!
Q: What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of it.
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the heck out of the dog.
Q: What is the difference between a harley and a hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.
Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam!
Q: What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of it.
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the heck out of the dog.
Q: What is the difference between a harley and a hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Poetry Corner
Judge Not
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heavens door
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights nor its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp ---
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The homosexuals and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one expected you.'
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heavens door
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights nor its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp ---
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The homosexuals and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one expected you.'
Monday, July 20, 2009
Exercise For The Middle Aged
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides. Hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
Friday, July 17, 2009
More Moon Madness
This month marks the 40th anniversary of humankind's first steps on the moon. Auspiciously timed is Craig Nelson's new book, Rocket Men--one of the most detailed accounts of the period leading up to the first manned moon mission. Here, we have ten little-known Apollo 11 facts unearthed by Nelson during his research.
1. The Apollo’s Saturn rockets were packed with enough fuel to throw 100-pound shrapnel three miles, and NASA couldn’t rule out the possibility that they might explode on takeoff. NASA seated its VIP spectators three and a half miles from the launchpad.
2. The Apollo computers had less processing power than a cellphone.
3. Drinking water was a fuel-cell by-product, but Apollo 11’s hydrogen-gas filters didn’t work, making every drink bubbly. Urinating and defecating in zero gravity, meanwhile, had not been figured out; the latter was so troublesome that at least one astronaut spent his entire mission on an anti-diarrhea drug to avoid it.
4. When Apollo 11’s lunar lander, the Eagle, separated from the orbiter, the cabin wasn’t fully depressurized, resulting in a burst of gas equivalent to popping a champagne cork. It threw the module’s landing four miles off-target.
5. Pilot Neil Armstrong nearly ran out of fuel landing the Eagle, and many at mission control worried he might crash. Apollo engineer Milton Silveira, however, was relieved: His tests had shown that there was a small chance the exhaust could shoot back into the rocket as it landed and ignite the remaining propellant.
6. The "one small step for man" wasn’t actually that small. Armstrong set the ship down so gently that its shock absorbers didn’t compress. He had to hop 3.5 feet from the Eagle’s ladder to the surface.
7. When Buzz Aldrin joined Armstrong on the surface, he had to make sure not to lock the Eagle's door because there was no outer handle.
8. The toughest moonwalk task? Planting the flag. NASA’s studies suggested that the lunar soil was soft, but Armstrong and Aldrin found the surface to be a thin wisp of dust over hard rock. They managed to drive the flagpole a few inches into the ground and film it for broadcast, and then took care not to accidentally knock it over.
9. The flag was made by Sears, but NASA refused to acknowledge this because they didn’t want "another Tang."10. The inner bladder of the space suits—the airtight liner that keeps the astronaut’s body under Earth-like pressure—and the ship’s computer’s ROM chips were handmade by teams of “little old ladies.”
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Happy Anniversary Moon Landing
July 20th is the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. In honor of it, NASA has produced an enhanced video of the landing:
Monday, July 13, 2009
Fancy Some "Yo Mama" Jokes?
Your mama is so dumb she failed a survey
Your mama is so fat you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
Your mama is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died
Your mama is so short you can see her feet on her driving license
Your mama is so old she waited tables at the last supper
Your mama is so fat you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side
Your mama is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died
Your mama is so short you can see her feet on her driving license
Your mama is so old she waited tables at the last supper
Friday, July 10, 2009
Did You Know
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Why
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Quote
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are
stupider than that." --- George Carlin
stupider than that." --- George Carlin
Insightful, No?
Peggy Noonan was a special assistant to the president in the White House of Ronald Reagan. She wrote the following in a Wall Street Journal column. The subject? Sarah Palin.
"In television interviews she was out of her depth in a shallow pool. She was limited in her ability to explain and defend her positions, and sometimes in knowing them. She couldn't say what she read because she didn't read anything. She was utterly unconcerned by all this and seemed in fact rather proud of it: It was evidence of her authenticity. She experienced criticism as both partisan and cruel because she could see no truth in any of it. She wasn't thoughtful enough to know she wasn't thoughtful enough. Her presentation up to the end has been scattered, illogical, manipulative and self-referential to the point of self-reverence. "I'm not wired that way," "I'm not a quitter," "I'm standing up for our values." I'm, I'm, I'm.
"In television interviews she was out of her depth in a shallow pool. She was limited in her ability to explain and defend her positions, and sometimes in knowing them. She couldn't say what she read because she didn't read anything. She was utterly unconcerned by all this and seemed in fact rather proud of it: It was evidence of her authenticity. She experienced criticism as both partisan and cruel because she could see no truth in any of it. She wasn't thoughtful enough to know she wasn't thoughtful enough. Her presentation up to the end has been scattered, illogical, manipulative and self-referential to the point of self-reverence. "I'm not wired that way," "I'm not a quitter," "I'm standing up for our values." I'm, I'm, I'm.
In another age it might not have been terrible, but here and now it was actually rather horrifying."
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Smartest Bird Ever??
This video shows an astounding feat by a New Caledonian crow. In an experiment conducted by behaviorists from the University of Oxford, a small bucket of food was placed inside a tube; the crow was unable to reach the bucket because of the length of the tube. She then picked up a short length of wire, and, after a few futile attempts to snag the bucket with it, bent the wire into a hook and lifted the bucket from the tube. What's more, the crow repeated the behavior in nine out of 10 subsequent trials.
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Funny
Mom and son were flying on a Southwest Airlines flight when the little boy (who had been looking out the window of the airplane) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son he should go ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, 'I saw you talking with your mom. Did your mom tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'yes she did.'
'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you.'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son he should go ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, 'I saw you talking with your mom. Did your mom tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'yes she did.'
'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you.'
How To Determine Your Hollywood "Stage" Name
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Pinky
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixie
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitzy
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooters
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = storm
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Leave your "Stage" name in the comments section
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Pinky
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixie
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitzy
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooters
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = storm
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice
Leave your "Stage" name in the comments section
Middle East Sand Storm
Below is a picture from space of what is being called the largest sand storm in modern history. The image includes international borders, with Syria to the west, Iran to the east, and Saudi Arabia to the southwest, to give a sense of the storm's location and size.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Yummy
For the 4th of July, let's celebrate by having some Xanthan and Guar Gums, Sorbitan Monostearate, and Hydrogenated Coconut and Palm Kernel Oil. Or as most of you know it, Cool Whip. And ironically enough, many of those same ingredients are in hemorrhoid creams and sexual lubricants. ENJOY!
Greeting Cards For Micheal Jackson Fans
someecards ("when you care enough to hit send") has just released their new Michael Jackson electronic greeting cards. You can find the whole line of them by clicking here. In the meantime, let's look at the greetings themselves:
"If you're able to overlook all of Michael Jackson's strange behavior, hopefully you can ease up on some of mine."
"Let's hope Michael Jackson left his brothers enough money to prevent a reunion tour."
"May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy."
"If you're able to overlook all of Michael Jackson's strange behavior, hopefully you can ease up on some of mine."
"Let's hope Michael Jackson left his brothers enough money to prevent a reunion tour."
"May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy."
Friday, July 3, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
