Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Informative Headline
From the Great Falls MT newspaper - "Animal rights group to hold meeting at steakhouse"
Police Log
Newport City Police say in an affidavit that an investigation at the Rendevoux Bar found two women fighting. One of the women had called the other a "crack whore". The woman declined the insult saying she was a "heroin whore".
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Peep Genocide
Just in time for Easter, a cleaver chap has started a blog on how to "Kill a Peep". He invites your suggestions.
(click image to see more)
Monday, March 23, 2009
Newspaper Notice
Paul Conley is expected to be away from his duties at his graphics shop for a couple of weeks after he has cadillacs removed from both eyes.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Economy Is So Bad (with thanks to Jay Leno):
That Dr. Suess was seen eating green eggs and SPAM.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Eventually It Becomes Real Money
As they banter around "millions", "billions" and now, "trillions" of dollars in an effort to restart the economy, it seems that we've lost our perspective.
So let's take a look. First up, below is a Ben Franklin. Also known as a $100 bill. Most of us have seen such a thing. Maybe even held a few.
With $100 a nice dinner could be purchased. Enough gasoline could be purchased to last a couple of weeks. It'll pay your cell phone bill for two months.
You take 100 $100 bills and you've got $10,000. Enough to buy some nice appliances when you remodel the kitchen. Or pay for a grand weekend in Vegas.
Stack 100 of those $10,000 money piles and you'll get $1 million. Now this becomes serious money. A new home is possible. Buy cheap and you can even include a nice car for the new garage.
To the $1 mil pile of money, let's add 99 more $1 mil piles. Now we have $100,000,000. Very serious money. Retire forever. Let you greed run wild.
You're $100,000,000 grows and becomes $1,000,000,000. If money could buy happiness, you'd now be very happy. Several times over.
But sadly the money being talked about is far in excess of this pile of $1 billion. In fact, it seems that $1,000,000,000 just doesn't buy much when it comes to spending by our government.
So now let's take a look at a number that has been tossed around a lot lately:
$1,000,000,000,000,000
That's one trillion dollars. This will buy 2,457,000 Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupes. Or you could have purchased the Sears Tower in Chicago almost 1,300 times for it's recent sale price of $835,000,000.
Below is a graphic representation of $1 trillion. You'll note that unlike above, the pallets are now double stacked.
So let's take a look. First up, below is a Ben Franklin. Also known as a $100 bill. Most of us have seen such a thing. Maybe even held a few.
With $100 a nice dinner could be purchased. Enough gasoline could be purchased to last a couple of weeks. It'll pay your cell phone bill for two months.
You take 100 $100 bills and you've got $10,000. Enough to buy some nice appliances when you remodel the kitchen. Or pay for a grand weekend in Vegas.
Stack 100 of those $10,000 money piles and you'll get $1 million. Now this becomes serious money. A new home is possible. Buy cheap and you can even include a nice car for the new garage.
To the $1 mil pile of money, let's add 99 more $1 mil piles. Now we have $100,000,000. Very serious money. Retire forever. Let you greed run wild.
You're $100,000,000 grows and becomes $1,000,000,000. If money could buy happiness, you'd now be very happy. Several times over.
But sadly the money being talked about is far in excess of this pile of $1 billion. In fact, it seems that $1,000,000,000 just doesn't buy much when it comes to spending by our government.
So now let's take a look at a number that has been tossed around a lot lately:
$1,000,000,000,000,000
That's one trillion dollars. This will buy 2,457,000 Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupes. Or you could have purchased the Sears Tower in Chicago almost 1,300 times for it's recent sale price of $835,000,000.
Below is a graphic representation of $1 trillion. You'll note that unlike above, the pallets are now double stacked.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
I'll Drink To That (Part 1)
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. -- W C Fields
I'll Drink To That (Part 2)
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth. -- George Burns
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
On The Menu
General Tso's Double Delight - $13.95
Chunks of chicken & jumbo shrimp urninated & fried until crispy. Then sauteed w/our chef's special sauce.
Chunks of chicken & jumbo shrimp urninated & fried until crispy. Then sauteed w/our chef's special sauce.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A Funny For Sunday
A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."
The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said "Yes, Father."
About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties came in.
"Yes, my son?" said the priest.
"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."
"And what was that, my son?"
"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man.
"That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?"
"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."
"What's that, my son?"
"Well, I have three 55 gallon drums full of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"
The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said "Yes, Father."
About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties came in.
"Yes, my son?" said the priest.
"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."
"And what was that, my son?"
"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man.
"That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?"
"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."
"What's that, my son?"
"Well, I have three 55 gallon drums full of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed to do with it?"
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Today's Quote
“Why do Republicans hate gay marriage so much? They certainly don’t hate gay prostitutes.”
— Margaret Cho
— Margaret Cho
Subject: Where To Live After Retirement
You can live in Phoenix where...
1.You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
OR, you can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 but still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and drought!
OR, you can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "The City" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "Nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn (if you even have a car!)
6. You think eye contact is an Act of Aggression.
OR, you can Live in Minnesota where..
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes all fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR, you can Live in the Deep South where....
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either '"n yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference too!
OR, you can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3000.00 mountain bike atop your $500 car!
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR, you can live in the Ohio where..
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
OR FINALLY, you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat "dinner" at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
1.You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
OR, you can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 but still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and drought!
OR, you can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "The City" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "Nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn (if you even have a car!)
6. You think eye contact is an Act of Aggression.
OR, you can Live in Minnesota where..
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes all fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
OR, you can Live in the Deep South where....
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either '"n yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference too!
OR, you can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3000.00 mountain bike atop your $500 car!
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
OR, you can live in the Ohio where..
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
OR FINALLY, you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat "dinner" at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
In A Heart Shaped Newspaper Advertisement
Do something special for your Valentine - Have your septic tank pumped - Call A-Affordable Royal Flush - 24 Hour - Mention this ad for $5 off
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
