~ Barney Frank
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Quote Of The Day
We are at a moment now when liberalism is poised to have its biggest impact on America since Roosevelt, because the conservative viewpoint has been so thoroughly repudiated by reality.
~ Barney Frank
~ Barney Frank
Friday, February 27, 2009
Two Little Old Ladies
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!'
'You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill. The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
'What happened?' asked her waiting friend.
'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.'
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Bill Maher's New Rule
Now that banks have taken hundreds of billions in taxpayer dollars, they must open another window. And, not to be rude, last month, you were Washington Mutual, and now you're claiming to be J.P. Morgan Chase? Before I give you any more money, you're going to need to show me two forms of I.D.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ever Wondered?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.'
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass.'
Monday, February 23, 2009
New Classes Being Offered At The Gym
Be Fit! Be Strong! Be Confident!
25% off all classes for new students
TAEKWONDO - 8 classes
Cardio Dick Boxing - 8 classes
25% off all classes for new students
TAEKWONDO - 8 classes
Cardio Dick Boxing - 8 classes
News From The Arkansas Courier
Summit Bank Robbed
The suspect is described as a white male in his 20s, 5 foot 8 inces tall, no facial hair and a full set of teeth
The suspect is described as a white male in his 20s, 5 foot 8 inces tall, no facial hair and a full set of teeth
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wiley's Dictionary
Eureka - What an Italian wife exclaims upon her husband's return from a garlic festival.
Smile For The Camera
(click image for a larger version)
Professional photographer Enrique Aguirre took this photo of an otter holding a video camera while on a tour of Elkhorn Slough aboard the Elkhorn Slough Safari Boat out of Moss Landing on Feb. 3. The otter apparently found the camera at the bottom of the ocean.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday Funny
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"
"Ralph, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!"
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Worldwide Auto Inventory Glut in Pictures
For a sobering look at the glut of unsold automobiles, click the above picture. Amazing.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Newspaper Classified
WARNING RESTAURANT CLOSING The Corn Crib Restaurant is closing after 25 years. If you have a gift certificate to Corn Crib, we suggest you marinate it and eat it!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Jay Leno Said..........
The economy is so bad that Paris Hilton has had to change her name to Paris Red Roof Inn.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Forbes Magazine Names The Top 10 Most Miserable Cities In the USA
Click the image to see what cities made the list. #1 comes as no surprise.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Rumor Has It........
Blue Bell Ice Cream in Brenham, Texas is coming out with an unbelievable new ice cream in honor of the new president.
*
It is being churned in Washington DC and appropriately being named:
"Baracky Road"
'half chocolate and half vanilla surrounded by fruits and nuts.'
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Story Correction:
In last week's story on the Kelly Senior Center, the building was mistakenly mentioned as having been a Nike shoe factory during the 1940s. The center was a Nikie missle site in the 1940s.
Didja hear????
The economy is so bad that Wendy's has added a new item to their dollar value menu. Wendy
Monday, February 2, 2009
A Published Horoscope
Gemini : Things could turn kinky as Uranus encourages you to explore fetishes and fantasy.
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