As If We Don't Have Enough Statistics (but at least these are fun)

Are Republicans conservative in the streets, but kinky between the sheets? Good Vibrations, the legendary San Francisco-based company that takes pride in providing accurate information on sexuality and toys for grown-ups, conducted an online sex survey to find out. And according to results... the answer is yes!


In fact, almost half (48%) of Republican respondents admit making home-movies featuring sexual acts, while only 40% of Independents and 38% of Democrats get hot for their handy-cams. Even more Republicans rehearse their porn performances, with 67% engaging in role-play during sex. 62% of Democrats and 55% of Independents/Others also act out their favorite sexual fantasies. Amazingly, 90% of Republicans say that they have had sex outdoors, compared to 83% of Democrats and 81% of Independents/Others. Their environmental record doesn't support preservation, but apparently it supports copulation.

75% of Republicans reported that they regularly use sex toys, followed closely by 74% of Democrats and Independents/Others. These statistics imply that nearly three quarters of the population enhance their sex play with pleasure products. 82% of Independents/Others have had sex using blindfolds, handcuffs or other restraints, with the Republicans right behind at 81% and Democrats only at 77%. Looks like the Democrats are less likely to give up control.

Independents/Others are more likely to share their sexual experiences. 43% have engaged in a threesome and 39% have been to a sex club or sexuality focused event. Democrats aren't as outgoing, with 37% having had a threesome and 34% attending a sex event. Republicans were the most introverted, with threesomes coming in at 27% and sex events at only 25%. So don't expect to see their booth at the next Exotic Erotic Ball.

The only question dominated by the Democrats was "Have you ever engaged in Cyber or Phone sex," with 80% of them said that they had. 70% of Independents/Others and 67% of Republicans had techie sex. Does that make the Dems more modern?

Hundreds of unique users logged on to sound off about their political and sexual preferences. Good Vibrations surprising survey results revealed that Republicans may not be as conservative as they seem, that Democrats may not be as liberal in bed and that Independents/Others aren't only out to please themselves.

Bill Maher

We learned that Barrack Obama sat in the pew of United Trinity Church of Christ for 20 years which proved he was a Muslim. And John McCain didn't go to church at all which proved he was a Christian.

Happy Halloween

Politicians Of Yore

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

--- Abraham Lincoln 1864

That's Not Funny....Okay, Maybe A Little

More Halloween

News Report

The top half of the students are well educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out - Marcia Neal, Republican candidate for the state Board of Education

Headline (read carefully)

Literacy program awarded a check for twenty five hunderd dollars

More Halloween, Part 2

More Halloween, Part 1

Halloween Is Coming

Bumper Sticker

Puppies And Lions, Oh My!

More pictures here.

Scariest Halloween Costume EVER

Headline

Study shows frequent sex enhances pregnancy chances

Bees Can Count??

Scientists have discovered that bees can count to four. For details click here.

Says Craig Ferguson

Obama is so far ahead now that it seems the only way he could lose is if his supporters screw it up. But, aha, Obama's supporters have a secret weakness. They are democrats. They are perfectly capable of screwing this up.

Randomness

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.

You have the right to remain silent... Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

I'll miss spring

When I become omnipotent, tulips will bloom all year.

If The World Were To Vote

Click here to see a map of the world and how it would vote in our presidential election.

I Love Spring

As autumn turns to winter I find myself wishing I still had spring fever. When I become omnipotent, spring will be much longer. Perhaps all 365 days.

Dressing Up Your Pets

Not one of my dogs. And I'm sure neither of mine would wear such a thing.

Smash Shack

When I become omnipotent, I will think of fun things just like this:

Newspaper Advertisement For A Supermarket

Golden Ripe Bananass

On The Menu

Chicken Cord and Bleu

T-Shirt

Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver

In Honor Of Mr. Blackwell

I always rather enjoyed his commentary with regards to the Hollywood Elite's choice of couture. Sadly Mr. Blackwell passed away today at the age of 86. Herein are some of his commentary:

Madonna: "The Bare-Bottomed Bore of Babylon."

Barbra Streisand: "She looks like a masculine Bride of Frankenstein."

Christina Aguilera: "A dazzling singer who puts good taste through the wardrobe wringer."

Meryl Streep: "She looks like a gypsy abandoned by a caravan."

Sharon Stone: "An over-the-hill Cruella DeVille."

Lindsay Lohan: "From adorable to deplorable."

Patti Davis: "Packs all the glamour of an old, worn-out sneaker."

Ann Margret: "A Hells Angel escapee who invaded the Ziegfeld Follies on a rainy night."

Camilla Parker-Bowles: "The Duchess of Dowdy."

Bjork: "She dances in the dark — and dresses there, too."

Spears: "Her bra-topped collection of Madonna rejects are pure fashion overkill."

And finally, of a reigning Miss America he said she looked "like an armadillo with cornpads."

Police Log

Animal problem: Two dogs lying in the road. One dog described as white with liver spots, the other liver with white spots.

I'm Considering The Purchase Of A Security System For My Car

And You Thought George W Was Strange

1. In warm weather, 6th president of the United States John Quincy Adams customarily went skinny-dipping in the Potomac River before dawn.

2. 9th U.S. president William Henry Harrison was inaugurated on a bitterly cold day and gave the longest inauguration speech ever. The new president promptly caught a cold that soon developed into pneumonia. Harrison died exactly one month into his presidential term, the shortest in U.S. history.

3. John Tyler, 10th U.S. president, fathered 15 children (more than any other president)--8 by his first wife, and 7 by his second wife. Tyler was past his seventieth birthday when his 15th child was born.

4. Sedated only by brandy, 11th president of the United States James Polk survived gall bladder surgery at the age of 17.

5. 15th U.S. president James Buchanan is the only unmarried man ever to be elected president. Buchanan was engaged to be married once; however, his fiancée died suddenly after breaking off the engagement, and he remained a bachelor all his life.

6. Often depicted wearing a tall black stovepipe hat, 16th president of the United States Abraham Lincoln carried letters, bills, and notes in his hat.

7. 17th U.S. president Andrew Johnson never attended school. His future wife, Eliza McCardle, taught him to write at the age of 17. (Bonus fact about Andrew Johnson: He only wore suits that he custom-tailored himself.)

8. Ulysses S. Grant, 18th president of the United States, died of throat cancer. During his life, Grant had smoked about 20 cigars per day.

9. Both ambidextrous and multilingual, 20th president of the United States James Gafield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other.

10. Grover Cleveland, 22nd and 24th president of the United States, underwent a secret operation aboard a yacht to remove his cancerous upper jaw in 1893.

11. The teddy bear derived from 26th U.S. president Theodore ("Teddy") Roosevelt's refusal to shoot a bear with her cub while on a hunting trip in Mississippi.

12. William Taft, 27th president of the United States, weighed more than 300 pounds and had a special oversized bathtub installed in the White House.

13. Warren Harding, 29th U.S. president, played poker at least twice a week, and once gambled away an entire set of White House china. His advisors were nicknamed the "Poker Cabinet" because they joined the president in his poker games.

14. Calvin Coolidge, 30th president of the United States, had chronic stomach pain and required 10 to 11 hours of sleep and an afternoon nap every day.

15. Herbert Hoover, 31st U.S. president, published more than 16 books, including one called Fishing for Fun-And to Wash Your Soul.

16. 32nd president of the United States Franklin D. Roosevelt was related, either by blood or by marriage, to 11 former presidents.

17. The letter "S" comprises the full middle name of the 33rd president, Harry S. Truman. It represents two of his grandfathers, whose names both had "S" in them.

18. Military leader and 34th president of the U.S. Dwight D. Eisenhower loved to cook; he developed a recipe for vegetable soup that is 894 words long and includes the stems of nasturtium flowers as one of the ingredients.

19. 40th president of the United States Ronald Reagan broke the so-called "20-year curse," in which every president elected in a year ending in 0 died in office.

20. George W. Bush, 43rd president of the United States, and his wife Laura got married just three months after meeting each other.

Are You Pro-American?

According to Sarah Palin, you're only pro-American if you live in a small town:

We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation. This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans. Those who are running our factories and teaching our kids and growing our food and are fighting our wars for us. Those who are protecting us in uniform. Those who are protecting the virtues of freedom.

No Comment

Headline II

Highway 4 bypass overpass bypassed

Headline

Hangings part of the fun of Vigilante Days (from The Arizona Republic)

Palin As President

This is just too fun to keep to myself. Someone with far too much time on their hands has created a great web site. Use your mouse to click on various objects to find some hidden treasures. Don't stop until you've found the pit bull with lipstick. In fact, don't stop. Just keep clicking it. Click the picture and enjoy.

Choo Choo

Newspaper Classified

FOR SALE : greens, turnips, collards, mustard and rudebeggers. One mile west of Westiville.

Headline From A Golf Newsletter

18 Hole Women have busy schedule

A Solution For Everything

While not yet omnipotent, I believe I've stumbled upon a solution for all of our financial and political problems. Sell Alaska.

A Lesson Learned About All Politicians

Rachel Maddow had this to say about Sarah Palin's contention that she has been exonerated by the Troopergate scandal: "Day is night, up is down. This isn't one of those differences of opinion things, a question of interpretation. The report says she broke ethics laws, and she says the report doesn't say that. She is lying. This is a person who is running for office who's been confronted with an uncomfortable and inconvenient fact, and her response to that is to look into the camera and lie to you. Enthusiastically and repeatedly. I know I'm not supposed to use that particular L-word...but sometimes the most important thing you need to know about a politician is the frequency and enthusiasm and skill with which they lie to you."

Think Before You Ink

Given the popularity of tattoos, it's only fitting for those who have them to someday question whether or not they wish to keep them. To learn more, click here for a detailed look at the history of tattoo removal.

The Sun

Apparently, the Sun is going through a calm phase. Well, since the global economy is most definitely anything but calm right now, I thought I'd remind you what the Sun can look like when it turns volatile.

Click here for some great pictures.

How The Financial Markets Work

This was broadcast in 1997!

60 Second Relaxing Vacation

Click here to take a short vacation.

High Speed Photography

To see more great photos click here.

Now That's A Good Security System

Newspaper Classified

Enema Therapy group forming for health & social functions, FREE

Police Log

A Greenwood resident requested assistance after being locked out of the house by her child. She had just told him the importance of locking doors.

Headline

Tax increases would pay for tax cuts

The Breakfast Of Champions

Listen To Your Doctor

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said he thought I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks, barbecued ribs or Sausage?'

I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, ride a Harley or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a damn?'

So Said Charles Darwin

I am sorry to have to inform you that I do not believe in the Bible as a divine revelation, & therefore not in Jesus Christ as the son of God.

and

My theology is a simple muddle: I cannot look at the Universe as the result of blind chance, yet I can see no evidence of beneficent Design.

Mergers & Acquisitions

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMM Good.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor UPS and become
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become Knott NOW!

And finally...

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name Titty Titty Bang Bang

What If He's Right?

After referring to the various proposals that comprise his domestic policy agenda, John McCain offered an absolute head-scratcher of a line during a campaign speech on Wednesday.

"Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners," he declared. In the prepared remarks he was supposed to say "fellow citizens."

Headline

Power plant may explode but don't panic

David Letterman's Top 10 Things Overheard At The Palin Debate Camp

10. "Let's practice your bewildered silence."

9. "Can you try saying 'yes' instead of 'you betcha'?"

8. "Hey, I can see Mexico from here!"

7. "Maybe we'll get lucky and there won't be any questions about Iraq, taxes or healthcare."

6. "We're screwed!"

5. "Can I just use that lipstick-pit bull thing again?"

4. "We have to wrap it up for the day -- McCain eats dinner at 4:30."

3. "Can we get Congress to bail us out of this debate?"

2. "John Edwards wants to know if you'd like some private tutoring in his van."

1. "Any way we can just get Tina Fey to do it?"

The Planet Mercury

NASA has just released some new photos from Mercury. Click here to see more.

Easier Than We Thought

Just Eight Short Years Later

Destined To Be The Greatest Movie Of All Time

Newspaper Classified III

Large Reward : creamy white male puddle in Pasadena area, if found please call

Newspaper Classified II

Have you had a cardiac arrest/died? Would you like a support group?

Newspaper Classified

Free Black Kittens, adorable with mild psychic abilities

Good Advice

Actual Quote

George Bush : There are SBA loans for that. I know to some SBA stands for Slow Bureaucratic Paperwork.

VP 2 Be?

When asked what she thought of the Middle East, Sarah Palin said : I love Detroit!

Rosh Hashanah For Dummies

Scene: Two kids talking on a playground.

- How come you weren't in school yesterday?
- Because I'm Jewish.
- So?
- It was Rosh Hashanah.
- What's that?
- New Year's.
- But it's only September 30.
- Well, that's when it came out this year.
- This year?
- Yeah, it's different every year.
- Why?
- I'm not sure.
- Geez...
- But this year it was a lot later than it was last year.
- Really?
- Yeah, last year the second day of Rosh Hashanah fell on...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa -- the second day? Your New Year's is two days?
- Yes.
- Why?
- I'm not sure.
- Geez...
- But the other night when the holiday started...
- At midnight...
- At 7:38.
- 7:38?
- Yes. Jewish holidays begin when the sun goes down.
- Why?
- I'm not sure. ..
- Geez...
- But as soon as the sun set, our New Year immediately kicked in.
- So it's already 2009 for you?
- No.
- But you just said...
- It's 5769.
- 5769?
- Yeah.
- Where'd that number come from?
- The way I understand it, we were here for close to 4,000 years before you guys came along.
- Really?
- Yep -- and that's when you started counting.
- And you didn't start over from zero?
- No reason to. We were on a roll so we just kept going.
- Makes sense.
- Thank you.
- So what do you do on December 31st?
- Celebrate New Year's Eve.
- But you just had two New Year's Eves...
- That's the beauty of Judaism. You get three New Year's Eves, eight days of Hanukah, plus a Christmas vacation even though it's not our holiday.
- Hardly seems fair to the rest of us.
- Hey, that's why we're called the Chosen People.
- I'll say.

Texting The Ex

In the upcoming movie, Milk, Sean Penn kisses his costar James Franco. After that scene was filmed, Sean sent a text message to his ex-wife Madonna: I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don't know why.

Don't Vote

Overheard

Mother to child: Do not touch the art, just like you do not touch anything in a public restroom.

Fall Colors In Alaska

Speaking of Alaska, click here to see 29 photos of the fall colors in Alaska.

Bullwinkle Needs Help

A newspaper in Alaska has published photos of various moose who have become entangled in a variety of objects. Mostly Christmas lights. Maybe I've misunderstood the moose. Is it really as stupid as it's governor?

Click here to see the pictures.