Actual Protesters At A Town Hall Meeting....Note The Sign In The Middle (click picture to enlarge it)

Those Wacky British Are At It Again

Quote

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

It's Time To Clean The Pool

- You know that green tarp covering your swimming pool? It's NOT a pool cover.

- The kids in the neighborhood ask if they can jump on your trampoline.

- The water's pH is so high, in vitro fertilization is possible.

- Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first.

- Skipping rocks across the water causes sparks.

Who Names These Boats?

Labor Day Thoughts

1 Let's do as little as humanly possible until Labor Day so we'll have the energy to do slightly more than that afterwards

2 Labor Day is a fitting tribute to the contributions of American workers in industries other than those that recently destroyed America

3 Thanks to the catastrophic greenhouse effect, Labor Day no longer signifies the end of summer

4 Labor Day is a great opportunity to reflect on what you failed to accomplish this summer

A Funny

A husband and wife were relaxing at the beach. They noticed a woman who would randomly approach others. After a brief chat she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag. The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops. But since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of hours the wife said, 'Honey, have you noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so. Then she said, 'Go to the car and get our big radio. Lay down by the water and see if she comes up to you. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

'Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.

'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?'

The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied. 'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

Today's "Too Cute For Words" Picture

Redneck Driving Etiquette

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Note Found On Street

Good News, Bad News

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

Unfortunate Headline

Quote

How come in American christians are the one's who won't take anything on faith?
---Bill Maher

Amazing Talent

Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who just won Ukraine's version of "America's Got Talent." She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination and "sand painting" skills to interpret Germany's invasion and occupation of Ukraine during WWII.

Is Your Cat Downloading "Kitty" Porn?

Yes, Let's....

More Paul Lynde Fun

Q: What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?

Paul Lynde: They give milk ... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies


Q: When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What?

Paul Lynde: A masked baby


Q: Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water

Did You Know

There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous':
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Quote

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."
---George Carlin

Quick Fact

Raising a child to 18 years old:

$249,570

in 1960:

$25,000ish

Oh My!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to get romantic with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'

Donald frowned and said, 'No.'

Daisy told Donald that he had to get a condom. 'Maybe they sell them at the front desk,' she suggested.

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put them on your bill?'

'No!' Donald quacked, 'I'll thuffocate!!'

Having No Personal Experience, Let's Just Assume These Are Correct

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOUR DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOUR DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

Happy Birthday To The Penny

Aug. 2, 2009, marks the 100th anniversary of the Lincoln penny, the longest-running U.S. coin still in circulation. The U.S. Mint had been producing one-cent coins since its founding in 1792, but the 1909 penny (which replaced the Indian-head coin) was the first coin on which a President's likeness appeared.

Time Magazine has a list of little known facts about the penny. Click on the penny above to see more.