Would You Like A Joint With Your Latte?

Did you know that currently there are 168 Starbucks in Los Angeles? Not a big surprise really. However, there are now 186 marijuana dispensaries. More pot than java? Only in LA.

Try Explaining This To The Fire Chief

Paul Lynde Quips

Peter Marshall : You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?

Paul Lynde: It was a long plane ride


Peter Marshall : Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?

Paul Lynde: An engagement ring


and a Charlie Weaver bonus:


Peter Marshall : If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it!

In About 3.8 Seconds Someone Is Going To Get Hurt

David Letterman

A recent online auction offered dinner with Sarah Palin. Proceeds to go to charity. Winning bid was $63,500. Surprisingly, Mr. Letterman had a response:

Questions to ask yourself before spending $63,500 on dinner with Sarah Palin

10. Is tip included?

9. Do my kids really need to go to college?

8. Is it all the moose you can eat?

7. Should I prepare by reading every magazine and newspaper?

6. Does it have to be at the Denny's where Todd works?

5. Should we have dinner in Alaska or Russia?

4. Will she hunt and shoot the main course?

3. 63 grand! That's nearly half of her weekly wardrobe budget! Remember that reference?

2. Is there valet parking for my snowmobile?

1. Will I be done in time to get to the "fire Dave" rally?

How Far Away Can You Get From McDonalds?

Saying McDonald's is ubiquitous in the United States isn't terribly newsworthy. But blogger Stephen Von Worley has creatively figured out the furthest distance any hamburger-loving American could be from the Golden Arches.

The answer? 107 miles. Here's Von Worley on the exact spot in the U.S. where you'd be farthest from a Mickey D's:

"Between the tiny Dakotan hamlets of Meadow and Glad Valley lies the McFarthest Spot: 107 miles distant from the nearest McDonald's, as the crow flies, and 145 miles by car!"

Barney Frank, The Comedian

This One Is For You Joe Wilson

Rumor Has It That Ikea May Start Selling Cars. Some Assembly Required (Naturally).

This Is So Wrong

Happy Dog

Did You Know

THE FIVE FASTEST BIRDS ARE
1. the peregrine falcon-175 mph
2. the spine-tailed swift-106 mph
3. the frigate bird-95 mph
4. the spur-winged goose-88 mph
5. the red-breasted merganser-80 mph

"Valentine's Day"

While still a few months away, a new film seems to capture what love is all about in modern times. Best line : "My closest relationship is with my Blackberry. Thank god it vibrates."

Paul Lynde Quotes

Peter Marshall: True or false...research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.

Paul Lynde: It's not easy to sign a crew up for six months.



Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?

Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.

Police Blotter

Report of indecent exposure at area trailer park. Caller stated woman was wearing a thong bikini and "didn't have the body to go with it".

Growing old with the one you love

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great...I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

If you ever said "when pigs fly", well you're in trouble now...

Click the image to see more airborne swine.

Albino Animals

For some really great pictures, click the image below. Be sure to see the peacock. Stunning.

Overheard

"We spent time in prison together so I know she'll do my hair right."

Protect Marriage!

In an attempt, satirically we hope, to further the reach of Proposition 8, John Marcotte is collecting signatures to put the "California Protection of Marriage Act" on the ballot. It would outlaw divorce. His comments include:

>You said "Til death do us part." You're not dead yet.

>Jesus still loves you if you get divorced -- just not as much as before

>John + Four and Kate + Four = Sin

>Hell is eternal, just like your marriage was supposed to be

Learn more by watching this video:

Quote

The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
---Nancy Astor

Hubble Still Taking Stunning Pictures

To see some of the latest pictures, click the above image.

More Paul Lynde

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Quote

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man. living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
---George Carlin

Best Wines Sold At Walmart

15.Box O' Grapes

14.Chateau du Crack Chardonnay

13.White Trashfindel

12.Big Red Gulp

11.Grape Expectations

10.Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"

9.Sam's Dog 20/20

8.Chef Boyardeaux

7.Trucker's Choice

6.Blue Light Special Nun

5.Chateau des Moines

4.Mogen Darryl

3.I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

2.World Championship Wriesling

and the Number 1 Name for Wal-Mart Wine...

1.Nasti Spumanti

The 100 Best TV Shows of All-TIME

Time magazine has compiled their list of the top TV shows of all time. So how many do you believe belong on this list? Any you want to add? Leave a comment:

A - F

1. The Abbott and Costello Show
2. ABC's Wide World of Sports
3. Alfred Hitchcock Presents
4. All in the Family
5. An American Family
6. American Idol
7. Arrested Development
8. Battlestar Galactica
9. The Beavis and Butt-Head Show
10. The Bob Newhart Show
11. Brideshead Revisited
12. Buffalo Bill
13. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
14. The Carol Burnett Show
15. The CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite
16. A Charlie Brown Christmas
17. Cheers
18. The Cosby Show
19. The Daily Show
20. Dallas
21. The Day After
22. Deadwood
23. The Dick Van Dyke Show
24. Dragnet
25. The Ed Sullivan Show
26. The Ernie Kovacs Show
27. Felicity
28. Freaks and Geeks
29. The French Chef
30. Friends

G - M

1. General Hospital
2. The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show
3. Gilmore Girls
4. Gunsmoke
5. Hill Street Blues
6. Homicide: Life on the Street
7. The Honeymooners
8. I, Claudius
9. I Love Lucy
10. King of the Hill
11. The Larry Sanders Show
12. Late Night with David Letterman (NBC)
13. Leave It to Beaver
14. Lost
15. Married... With Children
16. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
17. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
18. M*A*S*H
19. The Monkees
20. Monty Python's Flying Circus
21. Moonlighting
22. MTV 1981-1992
23. My So-Called Life
24. Mystery Science Theater 3000

N - S

1. The Odd Couple
2. The Office [American]
3. The Office [British]
4. The Oprah Winfrey Show
5. Pee Wee's Playhouse
6. Playhouse 90
7. The Price Is Right
8. Prime Suspect
9. The Prisoner
10. The Real World
11. Rocky and His Friends
12. Roots
13. Roseanne
14. Sanford and Son
15. Saturday Night Live
16. Second City Television
17. See It Now
18. Seinfeld
19. Sesame Street
20. Sex and the City
21. The Shield
22. The Simpsons
23. The Singing Detective
24. Six Feet Under
25. 60 Minutes
26. Soap
27. The Sopranos
28. South Park
29. SpongeBob SquarePants
30. SportsCenter
31. Star Trek
32. St. Elsewhere
33. The Super Bowl (and the Ads)
34. Survivor

T - Z

1. Taxi
2. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
3. 24
4. The Twilight Zone
5. Twin Peaks
6. The West Wing
7. What's My Line?
8. WKRP in Cincinnati
9. The Wire
10. Wiseguy
11. The X-Files
12. Your Show of Shows

Homemade Blasphemy

There's a great web site that allows you to make your own custom signs, labels, graphics, etc. A favorite is creating your own church sign. As an example:


To get started, click the image. Go. Now. Waste some time.

Ponder This!

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

· Life is sexually transmitted.

· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

· Have you noticed since everyone has a camera cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?