Fancy Some "Yo Mama" Jokes?

Your mama is so dumb she failed a survey

Your mama is so fat you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side

Your mama is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died

Your mama is so short you can see her feet on her driving license

Your mama is so old she waited tables at the last supper

Did You Know

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Why

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Quote

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are
stupider than that." --- George Carlin

Insightful, No?

Peggy Noonan was a special assistant to the president in the White House of Ronald Reagan. She wrote the following in a Wall Street Journal column. The subject? Sarah Palin.

"In television interviews she was out of her depth in a shallow pool. She was limited in her ability to explain and defend her positions, and sometimes in knowing them. She couldn't say what she read because she didn't read anything. She was utterly unconcerned by all this and seemed in fact rather proud of it: It was evidence of her authenticity. She experienced criticism as both partisan and cruel because she could see no truth in any of it. She wasn't thoughtful enough to know she wasn't thoughtful enough. Her presentation up to the end has been scattered, illogical, manipulative and self-referential to the point of self-reverence. "I'm not wired that way," "I'm not a quitter," "I'm standing up for our values." I'm, I'm, I'm.

In another age it might not have been terrible, but here and now it was actually rather horrifying."

Smartest Bird Ever??

This video shows an astounding feat by a New Caledonian crow. In an experiment conducted by behaviorists from the University of Oxford, a small bucket of food was placed inside a tube; the crow was unable to reach the bucket because of the length of the tube. She then picked up a short length of wire, and, after a few futile attempts to snag the bucket with it, bent the wire into a hook and lifted the bucket from the tube. What's more, the crow repeated the behavior in nine out of 10 subsequent trials.

Serious Question

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

A Funny

Mom and son were flying on a Southwest Airlines flight when the little boy (who had been looking out the window of the airplane) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?'

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son he should go ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, 'I saw you talking with your mom. Did your mom tell you to ask me?'

The boy said, 'yes she did.'

'Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you.'

How To Determine Your Hollywood "Stage" Name

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Pinky
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixie
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitzy
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooters
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = storm
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

Leave your "Stage" name in the comments section

Middle East Sand Storm

Below is a picture from space of what is being called the largest sand storm in modern history. The image includes international borders, with Syria to the west, Iran to the east, and Saudi Arabia to the southwest, to give a sense of the storm's location and size.

Here's How They Celebrate The 4th Of July In Monte Rio (Russian River-Sonoma County)

Yummy

For the 4th of July, let's celebrate by having some Xanthan and Guar Gums, Sorbitan Monostearate, and Hydrogenated Coconut and Palm Kernel Oil. Or as most of you know it, Cool Whip. And ironically enough, many of those same ingredients are in hemorrhoid creams and sexual lubricants. ENJOY!

Greeting Cards For Micheal Jackson Fans

someecards ("when you care enough to hit send") has just released their new Michael Jackson electronic greeting cards. You can find the whole line of them by clicking here. In the meantime, let's look at the greetings themselves:

"If you're able to overlook all of Michael Jackson's strange behavior, hopefully you can ease up on some of mine."

"Let's hope Michael Jackson left his brothers enough money to prevent a reunion tour."

"May you live twice as long as Michael Jackson and be half as creepy."

Japanese Volcano Video Taken By The Space Station