Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Creative Answers To Driving Test
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people, I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "Hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a $@#!head all day long.
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people, I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "Hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a $@#!head all day long.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Quote
There are six admonishments in the Bible concerning homosexual activity—and there are 362 admonishments in the Bible concerning heterosexual activity. I don’t mean to imply by this that God doesn’t love straight people, only that they seem to require a great deal more supervision.” --- Lynn Lavner
Friday, August 19, 2011
Quote Of The Day
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." --- Rodney Dangerfield
On The New $3 Bill
It's 2062 and the Federal Reserve has had a long debate on which picture to use on the $3 bill to honor former President Bachmann. After hours of debate, this is the picture they decide best represents her legacy:
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Quote Of The Day
"I may not lead the most dramatic life, but in my brain it's War and Peace everyday." --- Rufus Wainwright
The United States : We're #1!
>Assault By Rifle, Shotgun Or Larger Firearm
>Drunk Neighbors
>Death By Reptile
>Car Thefts
>Obesity
>Divorce Rate
>Marriage Rate
>Defense Budget
>Television Viewing
>External Debt (Owed To Other Countries)
>Drunk Neighbors
>Death By Reptile
>Car Thefts
>Obesity
>Divorce Rate
>Marriage Rate
>Defense Budget
>Television Viewing
>External Debt (Owed To Other Countries)
Monday, August 8, 2011
More Paul Lynde
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul...during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo!
Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encylopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?
Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false. Occasionally, a bull moose will hear the horn of diesel train and will run to it thinking that it is its lover?
Paul Lynde: And heaven help the conductor!
Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo!
Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encylopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?
Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false. Occasionally, a bull moose will hear the horn of diesel train and will run to it thinking that it is its lover?
Paul Lynde: And heaven help the conductor!
Peter Marshall: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Paul Lynde: I don’t have a third choice…?
Question Of The Day
“Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?” - Ernest Gaines
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